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Chapter 3: Cookie Dough

Author's Notes: So these two gave me a little poke again today. Shout out to Deversum for giving me the inspiration to write a little today and to Invalid ofc for always being my sound board in these cases.

Cookie Dough

“So Elmer says “Bend over Daffy” and Daffy's all like “Erm why you want me to bend over?” and Elmur just looks at him with the is smirk on his face and says “I got this new gun and I wanna see..”

“Oh my God oh my God shut the hell up you disgusting pig!” Gord Screamed while covering his ears in hope of blocking out the thoughts forever.

Sly just looked at Gord a bit pissed of at having to stop his story right when it was getting to the interesting bit as well.

“But you asked me what was going on over at Warner so I was just answering your request it's hardly my fault you can't take it.”

Gord stopped hitting his head hopping beyond hope that the thoughts might magically fall out of his ears and glared at Sly.

“For some odd reason I have faith that one day I'll be able talk to you and not be bombarded by nightmarish sexual acts but once again my naivety has shone through.”

“Aww its ok some day I'll get that pesky innocence out of you, don't worry you'll be able to handle the full on Warner sex stories some day. Someday I might be able to tell you about Roadrunner and Marvin”

Gord looked at Sly oddly trying for the life of him figure out what the hell those two could get up to but decided it was probably best not knowing. Those Looney Toon's really do scare me, I can never look at a gun the same way again. Gord Shuddered.

“Erm im ok thanks. I think ill hold on to this innocence as long as I can.”

“But whyyyy it just gets in the way of all the fun.” Sly then started to pump his hips and smirk at Gord so he knew just what kinda fun he was referring to.

Gord looked at sly disgustedly. “Your girl has corrupted mine enough for the both of us thank you very much. I need to hold on to some sort of innocence for when she finally see's the light.”

“HA like that will ever happen, have you looked at my girl lately cause if you haven't she is fucking hot, like sex on legs, everybody's wet dream, the goddess of all she prevails and if there's one thing she knows how to do to perfection its sex. Nobody's gonna give that up not even your little prissy princess. As the great George Forman say's “She's a lean mean fucking machine” heh heh.” Sly punctuated each word with a thrust of his a hips and a smirk aimed Gord's Way.

Gord rolled his eye's at the display. “Pfft shes not that good, my girls had better.”

“Uh huh, you know what they say about lying don't you Gord. Makes your dick smaller” Sly looked on unimpressed by Gords declaration.

“Eugh pig”

“Oh yeah baby you wanna hear me squeal?” Sly bended over towards gord and wiggled his eyebrows.

Gord Ignored him and walked away from him on the bed trying to put some distance between him self and the sex crazed cat. Maybe I shouldn't stand so close to him after all he is one of those Looney Toons who knows what he's done on the sex Richter scale.

“Anywayy Buffy's so had better, Faith is just a drop in the bucket.”

“Try the whole fucking ocean.” Sly muttered under his breath.

“Angel was her soul mate so it stands that he was the best.” Gord nodded to himself satisfied with his sexual logic.

“Erm you talking about the dude that's dead? Which meant she was basically fucking a fish its a crime to fuck dead people ya know its called necrophilia. Plus didn't he have sex with her then run off and start killing and hurting the people close to her and torture her mentally and emotionally until she killed him and sent him to hell?”

“Welll yeah, but that doesn't mean he wasn't good at the sex thing”

Sly crossed hims arms over his chest clearly unimpressed. “Uh huh try again”

“Well Parker..” Gord started.

“Don't even fucking mention Parker if you hope to get anywhere in this argument he was a douche”

Gord grimaced hating to admit to himself that he actually agreed with the cat.

“Ok then how about Riley. He was so good for my girl and he treated her good and was nice and normal.”

“I thought he slept with my girl first” Sly asked looking confused. Nice and normal is just code for bloody boring and he know's it.

“She was in Buffy's body he couldn't help that!!” Gord Shouted at Sly. He was kinda boring though, Better not tell the Cat that though he'll never let it die.

“For being the person who is supposed to know her so well he's pretty unobservant if he didn't realise she was acting kinda weird. Honestly I bet he was just so fucking excited to get laid he wouldn't have cared if it was a big hairy dude wearing a Buffy mask.”

Gord threw his hooves up exasperated. “Okay fine then how about Spike that was some pretty hot sex them two where having all rough and domineering and she kept goin back for more he had to be good at it, he had 120 years of bloody practice”

“Well first off why are we back to the dead fish thing cause that's just gross and unnatural I mean does necrophilia really attract her that much cause if so she has major problems and I'm a bit worried for my girl now in case Buffy might try to kill her now for her sick purposes.” Sly Started to rub at his fur incase it was contagious and he could some how magically shake it off. Eww dead fish that just not right, though that one time buggs went fishing and he....

“She's not into necrophilia! They where vampires so they were alive. Technically.” Gord screamed at Sly cutting off his thoughts.

Sly rolled his eyes. “Yeah technically. Cause that makes up for everything doesn't it. Another thing wasn't she just back from the dead. Heaven to be precise that must have been one major mind fuck, then you have this cocky Billy Idol wannabe come along claiming to love her. When as a vampire with no soul he cant really love. Then he beats the crap outta her which ends up to sex?”

“Well I....I never claimed any of her relationships made fucking sense.” Gord was starting to regret bringing this damn topic up. Why the fuck does he decide today of all day's to be logical?!?

“Didn't he try to rape her as well?” Sly asked.

“Will you shut the fuck up!” Screamed once again covering up his ears trying to block out the memories of this conversation all together. Maybe if I hit my head enough a sudden case Of amnesia will happen or at the very least I'll end up killing myself.

“Jesus I was only asking a fucking question. Next time don't bring up a topic if you cant handle the facts” Sly stated exasperatedly.

“Ok fine I fucking admit it when comparing all her past relationships with faith, she seems the most stable.” Gord begrudgingly admitted.

“Now don't you feel a hell of a lot better after admitting to that doesn't it make you all warm and gooey inside?” Sly went on like he was explaining to a small child how to brush their teeth.

Gord glared at him hoping to kill him with a look thought it never worked. “Pushing it cat”

“Where are the girls in question anyway I haven't heard anything in a while and I'm getting worried Buffy might have killed faith for her fetish fantasies” Sly looked round expecting them to pop out at any second.

“For the last fucking time she not a necrophiliac!” Gord went up and screamed in Sly's face while poking him in the chest.

“Ok ok Jesus calm down I was only saying.”

“Twat. Last I heard I think they where playing about in the kitchen something to do with dough I think.” Gord looked at Sly confused. Wonder what the dough thing was about?

“Ohh interesting, wanna check it out” Sly wiggled his eyebrows.

“Eh I dunno anytime them two are near food disgusting things tend to happen.”

“Och come on there not that bad they have to eat don't they?”

“Ok fine lets take a look” Gord threw up his arms giving in, he was just as curious as Sly. Though he would never admit that to him.

Sly and Gord jumped from the bed and silently made they're way down the hallway with Sly rolling around on the floor the whole way thinking he was Solid Snake. They arrived at the kitchen door deciding to peek around the corner to see what their girls where up to. Since Sly managed to roll in front of Gord he got to peek into the room first. He turned back round to Gord with a haunted look on his face and holding onto his tail like a safety blanket.

Gord looked at Sly confused. “What Sly? What are they doing?”

“Faith....dough...wooden spoon...Buffy.” Sly said dazed and unable to form a coherent sentence.

“Oh for christ sake get outta my way you idiot.” Gord pushed Sly out of the way and started to peek around the corner to look into the kitchen.

“Oh yeah Faith right there.” Buffy breathed out squirming around on the kitchen counter enthusiastically.

“You like this B? You want some more?” Faith teased Buffy

“Oh fuck yes give it to me baby.” Buffy screamed out trying to wrap herself around Faith.

Gord turned back round from the corner to share Sly's expression. They both looked at each other horrified at what they had seen.

“Your girl..”

“And your girl..”

“Dough..”

“Spoon..”

“Whisk..”

“I didn't see a whisk” Sly claimed stunned. What in holy hell. A whisk?!

“You don't wanna know where it is.” Gord shivered.

“Oh fuck” Sly said awestruck about the event's he just witnessed and what his imagination could come up with involving a whisk. I mean holy Christ. A WHISK!

“Sly.”

“Yeah Gord?”

“I think Geroge Forman was right.”

They both looked at each other and promptly passed out.